My brother and sister-in-law announced their pregnancy to us about a month ago. And I logged onto facebook to see my brother had uploaded this picture, thus making the nugget public information. I can't believe they are finally pregnant. They tried for over a year before finally getting one to stick. I realize a lot of families around here tried much longer. But this waiting felt like an eternity, and I'm only the aunt! I've wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember. I can remember being 8 years old and carrying a baby doll in a toy car seat with a blanket over i
t just hoping someone would mistake me for a real mother. Even now, I secretly celebrate in my head each time I'm carrying for someone else's kids in public and someone asks me if they are mine. I love being mistaken for a mother. Love it. I feel like my first child is an eternity away. But at the same time, I realize it's not. And that sort of terrifies me. It's something Katy and I have never talked about. I mean, we have talked about children extensively. But we've never talked about how scared I actually am to be what I've always wanted to be. I remember when we first got our kitten Dori. I just realized I've never talked about Dori on here! Dori is our firstborn. We've had her
for five months now and she's our little angel. But I remember the first night after we got her. It was so scary. I remember her laying between us in bed. I was so scared to move. I was so scared that I'd roll over and squish her. All I wanted to do was take her back. I wanted to go back to where we adopted her and ask if we could return her. We couldn't take care of a cat. It was a 15+ year commitment! How could we commit to something like that? But we didn't take her back. And I'm so glad. Dori has become a part of my life. She is referred to as our child and I have no doubt that she will always be. But that brings me back to babies. What happens when we have one of those? Am I going to want to return it after the first night because of how scary caring for someone for the rest of my life seems? This is becoming especially relevant. Katy and I have put a tentative time line in place for babies. I'm 21 now. 24 is the earliest we decided to start trying. And other things besides age have to be in place (our own place, stable income, health insurance, etc). But that's just three years away. Holy shit. When exactly did I become an adult? It seems as if it happened over night. At any rate, I've got babies on the brain with the announcement of Nugget's conception. I'm filled with jealousy. I am so happy for my brother and SIL, but jealous nonetheless. As scary as that part of my life seems, I am excited to approach it and begin it.
