Here's the thing. Nobody but my girlfriend reads this. Soooo all of my posts will now go on my tumblr which is accessed by at least fifty people a day (I know, I am so popular).

If you are silently reading my blog, please join me on my tumblr. The url is thegirlwiththegirl.tumblr.com

I hope I see you there.

Two. Two migraines already. March 3 and March 6. Keeping track. 

Rant

Rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant.

Body rant.

Body rant.

Sigh.

I really want a baby.

But wait! You're still in college! That's not a very good idea!!

I know, crazies. I know.

Still doesn't take away my craving for a child...that sounds a little like a I want to eat a baby. Which I do not. But it's like there's a hole in my chest. It's a small hole. The perfect size for an infant.

Dear future baby,
I intend on meeting you in seven years. Hold on to your socks.
Sincerely, Momma.

TWW

Not just for those waiting for a BFP after an insem. It's officially what the time between now and when I see my love for the next time will be called. TWW. Dreaded TWW. Horribly TWW. Miserable TWW. This distance is killing me. She was only here for two days. It's not fair that everyone else gets to live with the one they love. But no. Not me. I get to be 500 miles away 75% of the year with just tiny little breaks in between. Two weeks isn't enough. We fought like pit bulls last night. We've never fought so hard. I theorize that it was because we knew she was leaving today and that makes us both so touchy and SAD. And it's so much easier to say goodbye when you're angry. Hey, no one said we are the experts on healthy lesbian relationships.

We woke up not angry, though. It always works that way. My dorm is a mess. There are pieces of her everywhere. I'm not complaining. I'm dreading having to go around and find all the pieces. All I need is to pick bits of her up and throw them out...reading over that last bit makes it sound like I killed her and then chopped her up in little pieces. I just mean that there's a sock of her's on the floor. A candy wrapper. A sugar packet. Dirty dishes. Rumpled sheets.

SOB.

Win.

Win win win win win win. WIN.

http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/campaigns-politics/lesbian-couples-make-better-parents/

http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/community/lesbian-parents-just-as-good-as-heterosexual-parents-study-finds/

I could have told you that none-bio lesbian moms would be more likely to spend time with their kids than biological heterosexual fathers. Lesbian partners have to work harder to create a child (in most, but not all, cases), and are therefore more invested in the lives of those children they worked so hard to create.

I smell senior sociology thesis!

Gender

I want kids. If we are being specific, I want four kids (initially, I typed "six" which might by the crazy mother inside of me talking). And if I had my way, the first would be a boy named Elijah. And the next three would be curly blonds named Millie, Penny and Livie. I want my son to be at least five years older than the next oldest child and for the little girls to be close in age. Or even, I would love the last two to be twins. I want to dress up my daughters in matching dresses. Pink and lacy with giant bows in their curly hair. I want them all to play dress up. I want them to want to be princesses when they grow up.

But, as it is, life as thrown me in a different direction. A direction of compromises. My partner does not envision the same future. She sees three little girls, but no son. And we don't exactly agree on names, except for Millie which I suspect she is going along with only because it is an important family name on my side, and we certainly don't agree on how to raise children- gender-wise. She doesn't picture three fairy princess daughters. And she doesn't want them in pink lacy dresses with giant bows sticking off the sides of their heads. She wants gender neutral for the most part.

I am slowly learning to see her point of view. I've always respected what her opinion on dresses and pink is. But I am starting to accept it. And I am starting to adapt my way of thinking to hers. I recently purchased her an early baba's day present (baba's day is traditionally celebrated in place of father's day however this year it's coming early because my love simply cannot be patient for a present). This baba's day present is gender neutral. Well. Let me say this. In the past, I would have seen what I bought as something just for a boy. But as I adjust to this new brand of thought, I see it as something I would love to give to a daughter. Or a son. Basically, it is something I would love to give to our first child regardless of its gender.

I hope she reads this. Because it's a big deal that I am starting to see things this way.